How I Came to This Work
When my partner first brought up the desire to start a family, I wasn't open to the idea. I experienced a lot of resistance to it and quickly concluded that I didn’t want to be a parent. We didn’t talk about it again. About a year after that I attended a plant medicine ceremony and the entire teaching, to my great surprise, was about motherhood. The Plant made it clear that I was closing myself off to parenthood out of deeply rooted fears and ancestral trauma around childbearing instead of genuine disinterest. It encouraged me to explore my fears and to revisit my ideas about what it would mean to be a mother. It also told me that I would have to go through some very deep spiritual healing before I would conceive.
During the ceremony I was shown the spirit of a child who was ready to come into the world through me. As I looked at the child's face, I experienced a sense of love and connection that I had never felt before. I came out of the ceremony in a state of intrigue (and if I'm being honest, a bit of shock) and spent months reflecting on the experience, revisiting my feelings about motherhood and eventually finding that under the fear, there was in fact a true desire to have a child. My partner and I started trying to conceive soon after that. Months went by without success and I became increasingly frustrated and unsure of myself. Had the whole experience been my imagination? Was I taking things too literally? Was 'motherhood' a metaphor for something else? I felt truly hopeless.
In meditation one night I asked for guidance about all of this and a few days later I had a dream about a little girl. It didn’t take me long to realize that she was visiting me in the dream-time to guide me, and to show me what needed healing within me in order for me to become open to conception on the physical level.
Conscious conception is the idea that we can communicate with the spirit of our child before that child is physically conceived. We can ask them for help on our journey whether we are facing physical challenges to our fertility, or mental/emotional blocks that prevent us from being able to conceive. It allows us to involve the child in the process of bringing them into the physical world.
Through the guidance of the little girl in my dream I was able to recognize deeply rooted fears, traumas and beliefs that were preventing me from being able to conceive. She advised me to take a break from trying to get pregnant and to really work deeply with my fears instead, exploring and releasing them one by one. I spent the next 8 months doing just that. I was in constant communication with the spirit of that little girl throughout, listening to, trusting and acting on her guidance. One day while in meditation, she told me that she was ready to come. I gave birth to my daughter 9 months later.
Through my own journey to motherhood I learned that it is possible to connect and form an intimate relationship with our children before they are born. This is something that requires no special skills, just an open heart and mind. It has become my passion to help people connect in this way and to regain a sense of power and joy that is often lost when dealing with fertility challenges.