After my daughter was born, I felt like my entire world changed. The change, of course, was beautiful and positive, but change of any kind requires some adjusting to. I've attended various plant medicine ceremonies in the past, but for me motherhood has been the biggest teacher, and the most sacred journey I've ever participated in.
I felt uprooted and untethered in certain areas of my life- especially professionally. It felt like a big transformation was on the horizon but there was a stuckness that needed help in order to to be able to flow. It felt as if there were two parts of myself: the one that wanted to bloom and let go of old patterns, and the one that was still rooted in fear, worry and 'what ifs.' They felt equally strong and it felt like an inner battle had begun.
Mushroom essences, as defined by Robert Rogers, "...are vibrational preparations prepared from various parts of fruiting bodies of the kingdom Fungi.... fungi are lunar, dark, and mysterious. Like all manner of living beings, they express energetic fields to those willing to observe, listen and feel." After reading his book on the subject in December 2018, I immediately connected with the idea. In a way this is like homeopathy. I use homeopathy to help patients move energy where there is a sense of stuckness or stagnation. One mushroom in particular stood out to me. I knew that I wanted to work with this mushroom and I began to ask the mushroom for permission.
Before I begin to work with a plant or mushroom on any level, I ask if they would be open to having a teaching/healing relationship with me. This usually means focusing my energy on my heart and sincerely asking for their help. I explain the situation, and tell them what it is that I'd like help with. Then I thank them and wait until I receive a clear answer one way or the other. Normally for me this means waiting for a dream. A few nights later I had a dream about varnish conk and knew that this mushroom was open to teaching me. I ordered the essence and began taking it for a full lunar cycle.
For the next 28 days, every night before going to sleep I would take the mushroom essence and intend to connect with its healing/teaching. I would pay close attention to my dreams, my thoughts, my emotions, and anything else that I could observe in terms of my inner landscape. Initially I didn't think much was happening at all. I had some dreams but nothing I could really hold onto. Somewhere around the two-week mark, I had a significant dream and I felt like things were beginning to shift. I became more grounded, more clear of the way forward. A big lesson for me in this lifetime is learning to be open and authentic without fear of being judged or ridiculed. Somehow I felt that this was more possible. The things that I would fear or worry about didn't seem as intense. I felt stronger within myself and my own truth.
This is an ongoing process as I have since connected with two other mushrooms, but it's a fascinating experience.
Plants and mushrooms are teacher and healers. They work gently in my experience, but if we are able to slow down and pay attention, big shifts are possible.